AbilityBreast Cancer: Lisa’s mother is dying of breast cancer. At the beginning of each turn, Lisa’s Mother receives a permanenet -1 until she is no longer relevant to the plot.
"I definitely have breast cancer."
AbilityWhen Denny enters play, select two target creatures. Denny is a burden upon them. They receive -1 -1 until Denny leaves play.
"I just like to watch you guys."
AbilityThrow Football: Throw football at target creature. It must to catch it. Upon use, target creature gains the ability ‘Throw Football’ and mark loses it.
Shave Beard: Allied creatures are invigorated by your babyface. They receive +2 until the end of this turn.
AbilityFor every creature that is played, say, “Oh, hai [creature]”, and give Tommy +1 +1.
Acting: While Tommy is in play, all other creatures are equal parts baffled and embarrassed. They receive -1 -1.
Chicken: Provoke target creature into attacking Tommy by raising your elbows and going ‘Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! Chee-ee-eep!”
"It's bullshit, I did not hit her! I did not! - Oh, hai Mark."